Sometimes leaving a person just doesn't quite do the job. Say you just dump Bella in the morning, yet you come home and in the afternoon, she's outside your house begging you to take her back.
Here's the guide to my filthy little ways to get someone to quickly dump you in no time:
2) stop bathing
3) do threesomes
4) foursomes
5) never offer to pay anything
6) learn & speak elf
7) tell her you're busy watching the Lord Of The Rings series over and over and tell her you'll call back
8) tell your ex you have a rare sexually transmitted disease previously found only in the jungles of Moldova
9) become a hardcore fan of cricket
10) get a mullet
11) insist that all decisions be made by a roll of dice or flip of coin, whichever
12) convert to an exotic religion and insist that everything your lover does discriminates your religion
13) snore
14) put your name on all items in the fridge that you purchased
15) download copious amounts of pornography on her laptop
16) leave different colored hairs on your bed
17) use the world literally in every sentence
18) eat durian and talk with your mouth wide open
19) get a pet that your soon-to-be ex is allergic or afraid of, preferably a parrot or spider
20) put on loud music whenever you pick up her call, then tell her you're busy clubbing
21) tell her she is the worst lover in the world, the only reason you were with her was because you needed someone to hump and even when doing that she is no different than a dead seal
22) shave with an electric razor and leave all the tiny hairs in the sink
23) ladies, stop shaving; gentlemen start shaving and tell your lover you plan to laser it
24) inquire what body wash she uses that makes her body so stinking smelly
25) set your watch an hour behind, and constantly complain why everyone is not around
26) tell her you want to father twice as much kids that Jon & Kate has
27) wear headphones at all times; when your partner talks to you, lip-sync along the song
28) start all sentences with, "You know who is really hot....."
29) Use all your partner's makeup to impersonate as the Asian Joker and quote:"Why so serious?" when she gets all pissed about you wasting her branded makeup.
30) insist on Public Displays of Affection, (PDA)
31) stop brushing your teeth and leave bits of leftovers in your teeth
32) tell your soon-to-be ex that you are schizophrenic, and the person you're dating is actually your alter ego, while the true you is actually; enjoy meeting strangers in public toilets and bars
33) convince your soon-to-be ex to let you gamble his or her money
34) sign up for online dating websites using your partner's email aka SPAMming
Not this spam...
35) insist that your partner calls you every 15 minutes to report what he or she is doing
36) whenever your soon-to-be ex asks you to do something, like take out the trash; quote: I can't promise you to try, but I'll try to try
37) watch the movie 17 again & again & again & again & again & again & again & say how much he or she looks like your ex
38) gain forty pounds and complain why is she so fat
39) start keeping books of homosexuality and tell your partner how much you sympathize them
40) revert to baby talk at all times
41) become a vegetarian and give her that disgusted face when she eats meat in front of you, while telling how much you despise him or her for being so cruel
42) have different kinds of perfume smell whenever you meet him or her
43) speak vulgar at all times, preferably in every sentence
44) don't give her anything on Valentine's Day, then Bingo! you're automatically dumped
45) complain on everything she does
46) pick your nose and play with it in the restaurant when eating dinner
47) leave dirty dishes in you room and when he or she nags, say this will keep the cockroaches away
48) talk about if you ever breakup, the thing you'll miss most about your soon-to-be ex is his or her wireless access
49) tell her you have contracted H1N1 disease and want to have the remaining time together with her without wearing a mask
50) give her a breakup book as a gift
If none of this works, there are two possibilities, either she is too deep in love with you (in this case I consider that person being very dumb as the signs are obvious, telling you to: get lost!) or maybe your partner has other reasons to be with you, for your money, or as an accessory (some people just can't live without a bf/gf), someone to fetch them home or just need someone to chat with.
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